Nobody wants to feel angry. Generally, it’s a destructive emotion, particularly if it persists for a long time.
However, many of us can sometimes wind up feeling angry with our husbands or partners, even when we know we shouldn’t. Worse still, it erodes the relationship, so what can we do about it?
Find Out What Triggers Your Anger
The first step is to figure out what is triggering the anger in the first place. Many people who experience anger issues in relationships are set off by specific circumstances. For example, you might feel angry when your partner gets home late from work or leaves clothes on the floor because it makes you feel anxious.
Whenever you feel angry, pause and then write down what it was specifically that led to the emotion. Keep doing this over several weeks until you have a long list that allows you to identify patterns. Often, you will discover that your anger triggers fall into various categories.
Recognise That Anger Is Inside You
The next step is to recognise that anger is something inside you. Strange as it may sound, our brains don’t generate anger based on external experiences. Instead, it comes from within us.
This goes contrary to what society tells us about anger. It says that we feel angry because of the people around us. But that’s not true. Anger is self-generated. That’s why you can have two people react in very different ways to a particular situation.
Given this paradigm, you can think of triggers as being excuses for being angry. Triggers themselves aren’t the cause – it goes deeper than that.
Every year, family law solicitors have to process marriages that have broken down irretrievably. Emotions often run high, particularly anger. When one party feels mistreated by the other, it can put an enormous strain on proceedings.
The trick here is to avoid allowing your own anger to damage your relationship. Strange as it may sound, your partner probably isn’t the root cause of the problem.
Discover Where Your Anger Comes From
Society teaches us that anger is the response to violation. And, in some instances, that’s true. But, more importantly, anger is usually a reaction to thwarted desires. Another way of thinking about it is that anger is what happens when you don’t get your own way.
It seems logical and reasonable to blame the other person for not getting your own way. But, actually, you are the only person who is in control of your life. Your partner or husband can’t make you do anything that you don’t want to do. If you are genuinely unhappy with the relationship or your situation, it is within your power to change it.
In this sense, anger really is a self-created phenomenon. When you can’t get what you want, you feel it (at least to some degree). The trick here is to follow your heart or renounce your desires. If you follow your heart, you may change your relationship entirely, seeking a new partner. If you renounce your desires, you will feel more at peace and at ease with your own situation.