No matter at what stage of your pregnancy you miscarry, you will be mourning the loss of your baby, their lost future, and your lost future as a parent. The process of grieving a miscarriage is hard and different for everyone. For some, it can help to commemorate your loss.
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It’s common for some women to feel as though they are not entitled to do anything to commemorate their lost baby, especially if the miscarriage occurred early on in the pregnancy. In fact, you have the right to remember your baby in any way that you like. You don’t have to make your loss at all if you don’t want to, or you can do something small or large. There’s no right or wrong way to do this.
Ways To Remember Your Baby
There are lots of options to help you commemorate your baby.
- Many families find it useful to write about their experiences. You could write a diary, a blog, or write a letter to your baby. Some people like to share their experiences with others who have experienced miscarriages by writing about their stories on forums or websites for people who have been through miscarriages.
- Keep scan pictures, your pregnancy journal, and any health notes in a special box.
- Press and frame some of the sympathy flowers you get sent.
- Light a candle for your baby on memorable dates, special occasions, anniversaries, or during Baby Loss Awareness Week. Choose any date that is meaningful for you.
- Leave an entry in the Book of Remembrance in your hospital, if they have one.
- Buy yourself something special in memory of your baby. A piece of beautiful jewellery could be a good choice.
- Plant a tree or flowers at home or in a garden of remembrance.
- Give your baby a name.
- If your baby died before you were 24 weeks pregnant, ask your hospital if they provide a certificate in memory of your baby. Some hospitals do this, even though there is no legal recognition of your baby’s life at this point of pregnancy.
Holding A Ceremony Or Memorial Service
You might choose to have a funeral, ceremony, or memorial service. Funerals and services could be just for you and your partner, or for family and friends too.
There is no law about the burial of babies who were born under 24 weeks. Some hospitals offer simple funerals or burial options. Some hospital chaplains will also hold services for babies who have died there. Ask the staff about what options they can offer.
Some couples who have lost a baby choose to honour their baby’s memory with a tribute page online that is used to raise funds. This allows your loved ones to show you their support at a difficult time by leaving messages that you can look at when you feel ready, and give some donations to your chosen charity. For some people, this helps, as it is a way to channel your grief into something good.