Building yourself up

For a few years now I’ve lived with anxiety and I always say no to everything not because I don’t want to but because of the crippling fear of embarrassing myself in public. I’ve lost many friends because they don’t quite get it and probably don’t quite understand my anxiety issues and to be honest sometimes I don’t even understand them myself.

On the occasions, I did say yes was ( and sometimes still is) a never-ending knot in my tummy, negative thoughts this will happen that will happen and lots of bathroom trips because for some reason I always feel like I need the loo.  I would take my Imodium not to eat or drink before I left I would be very distressed and uneasy.  The whole time I was out I needed to nowhere the nearest restroom was when I was going to be home. Looking back at the worse times I don’t know how myself or my family put up with me a very stressful way to live. I would never catch a bus because you can’t just get off if it all gets too much I must admit my mental illness has turned me into a control freak I’m not as bad tho I hope.

I had counselling to try and help it did for a while but it can creep back up on you this time when all my anxiety starting spiralling I started to notice patterns in behaviour much sooner and was able to build myself back up.  I started saying yes to going out not every time but a lot more than usual I’ve been finding stuff to do every weekend and im a lot happier from it too. I still have the knot and Imodium addiction which sounds quite odd but I’m starting to live rather than hide from things that may never happen. If battling anxiety has taught me anything don’t run away from your problems face them head on and build yourself back up piece by piece don’t let one bad day set you back.  Just by facing your problems you already winning <3






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